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Fantasy Fiction
Chronicles of War III: Draven's Revenge
Earth's Bones
Chapter 21 Page 22
Chronicles of War III: Draven's Revenge
Earth's Bones
Chapter 21 Page 22
"What sort of problem did he have?"
The youth laughed a lizard's snide, hissing laughter, "It was his, er, uh, bowels, you see, or perhaps it was what he ate, I know not for certain. But, well, he had this way of- of breaking wind, of breaking wind silently and without letting on that he had done so. He used to sort of sit with this blank face, unmoving and utterly reasonable, never letting on that he was the source of the anal breach or even that he smelt a thing until the entire room was aghast. At which time he would grumble and point his finger with the rest of the company."
"That is quite funny, Ubar."
"I am not finished. What made the situation unbearable was the fact that his farts were the most disgusting and noxious kind of farts. Have you ever smelled something so awful that you could not help but gag and wretch? Yes? Well, his were that sort of fart. Utterly repulsive, and they had a way of lingering in place for an eternity, rendering the targeted room uninhabitable for hours at a time." The youth hissed a snigger, and trotted on. "I can tell you all this now, in hindsight, but at the time, you understand, we had not the slightest clue who was truly responsible. My cousin's court was rife with rumors and suspicion, but it was of a subdued nature. That is, until the phantom farter struck at a state dinner, in the middle of a dress ball, while the Emperor was dancing alone with his favorite concubine. The ballroom was a ruin, the reek being so horrible and pervasive as to drive the cockroaches from their crannies.
"Needless to say, my cousin was enraged and disgusted at the same time. He alternated for a time between railing and gagging, managing to just barely keep his dinner down, when the phantom struck a second, and incidentally vastly more odorous, time. Now the Emperor's fine, gourmet repast came up all at once, in a gush. At the sight, his concubine lost her own meal. Then came the Commander General of all Empire. Then the Secretary of State Affairs, then the Secretary of Ministries, and the Prime Minister, and his wife, and so forth until the night's dinner was relived en masse, course upon course.
The youth laughed a lizard's snide, hissing laughter, "It was his, er, uh, bowels, you see, or perhaps it was what he ate, I know not for certain. But, well, he had this way of- of breaking wind, of breaking wind silently and without letting on that he had done so. He used to sort of sit with this blank face, unmoving and utterly reasonable, never letting on that he was the source of the anal breach or even that he smelt a thing until the entire room was aghast. At which time he would grumble and point his finger with the rest of the company."
"That is quite funny, Ubar."
"I am not finished. What made the situation unbearable was the fact that his farts were the most disgusting and noxious kind of farts. Have you ever smelled something so awful that you could not help but gag and wretch? Yes? Well, his were that sort of fart. Utterly repulsive, and they had a way of lingering in place for an eternity, rendering the targeted room uninhabitable for hours at a time." The youth hissed a snigger, and trotted on. "I can tell you all this now, in hindsight, but at the time, you understand, we had not the slightest clue who was truly responsible. My cousin's court was rife with rumors and suspicion, but it was of a subdued nature. That is, until the phantom farter struck at a state dinner, in the middle of a dress ball, while the Emperor was dancing alone with his favorite concubine. The ballroom was a ruin, the reek being so horrible and pervasive as to drive the cockroaches from their crannies.
"Needless to say, my cousin was enraged and disgusted at the same time. He alternated for a time between railing and gagging, managing to just barely keep his dinner down, when the phantom struck a second, and incidentally vastly more odorous, time. Now the Emperor's fine, gourmet repast came up all at once, in a gush. At the sight, his concubine lost her own meal. Then came the Commander General of all Empire. Then the Secretary of State Affairs, then the Secretary of Ministries, and the Prime Minister, and his wife, and so forth until the night's dinner was relived en masse, course upon course.
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